A COVID Journal Entry by Daniel Stanley Flores
Every day I try and escape the news cycle, watching something mindless on Netflix (I highly recommend Gilmore Girls) or just picking up The Shining again to get lost in one of Stephen King’s immersive worlds.
Yet, each day I am reminded of this eerie time we are living through.
I am luckier than most.
Being able to work should give my mind some semblance of normal life.
Still, I can’t help but focus on the disconnect I feel with all my friends and family. The same people who still ask how I am doing every day, knowing it isn’t well, but wanting to provide a bridge to some healing.
But my mind decides to focus on the group threads and the social media trends that I am missing out on.
While the simple solution would just be to immerse myself in the love that is offered me every day, my mind tells me to stay away, feeling like my subconscious has taken the words "social-distancing" too far.
Just like in the movie Selena when her father, Abraham, says “We have to be more Mexican than the Mexicans and more American than the Americans, both at the same time! It's exhausting!”
I feel each day that I am not essential enough compared to other necessary and frontline workers, but I also feel like I am missing out on how my friends at home are feeling during this time.
And Abraham was right. This feeling is exhausting.
I can feel it affect how I am with my friends, family, and partner. Even though I try to hide these feelings, I know each one of the texts I send out reek of loneliness and despair.
Each day I understand intellectually that people in my life would do anything they can to make me feel better, but each day my emotions seem to override that feeling.
I usually try and keep my feelings within my close circle of trust, but I know others are feeling this way, and I don’t want any of us to feel alone, so I decided to post this publicly.
Know I love you all, and that love will help me get through all of this.
Forgive me for my weirdness; I’ll be back to normal soon enough.
Here are some resources if this time is getting you down:
EDITORS NOTE: Times are strange. Bottling it all in can lead your mind into a dark place. If any of our readers would like to contribute writing from their own personal accounts, experiences, or "Quarantine Journals" during all this, reach out and we can post it here for you. Too shy to write something, but still need to vent? Reach out to any of the staff members here at FM if you ever need anyone to talk to. We're fighting all these fights together. We've got your back.
Daniel "Sheb" Flores is the Editor-In-Chief at Faded Morgana and an active civil warrior. Daniel "Sheb" Flores likes The Lakers, Funky music and Workers Unions. He loves to sleep and works as a Patient Transporter at a Hospital in Southern California.